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Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge [Blu-ray]
Theatrical Release: Never Released
DVD Release: February 24, 2009
Blu-ray Release: February 24, 2009
Director: Joone
Writers: Joone
Rating: R
Reviewer: Eric
The Digital Playground R-rated version of Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge is
an action packed movie with no hardcore sex. Actually to tell the truth it
really isn’t action packed. Take the hardcore porn version and take out all of
the sex. What do you get? A pretty bad movie that looks bad on blu-ray.
If you love pirate movies then this movie should be at the bottom of your list.
Watching the R-rated version is a big cock tease. There are some pretty hot
women in this movie and we do not get to see much of anything. Any time there is
going to be some nudity the whole thing is cut out. Christ there really aren’t
too many boob shots! I have seen more T&A in a PG-13 movie!
Pirates II takes place after the previous movie. Captain Edward Reynolds (Evan
Stone) and his big breasted beauty (Jesse Jane) are heading to the mainland to
secure a pardon from the governor. During this time a group of Chinese pirates
are sailing the seas, putting magical squids in peoples mouths. Same old Pirates
movie, right?
For a porn movie this is a pretty big budget movie. These sorts of effects are
uncommon in adult movies so seeing them with hardcore sex is great. Now watching
these sorts of effects in an R-rated movie without any T&A, it sucks. The movie
should have more nudity goddamn it! I don’t care if it is R-rated; give me more
than what’s in here at least.
The plot of the movie is complex for a porn movie but for an R-rated movie it
makes sense. Evan Stone really saves the movie with his humor and classic
one-liners. I’m sure things would have been much better if there was the sex.
Still it does have enough laughs to make you wish Evan Stone did a straight-up
comedy movie.
How does this movie look in high definition? I am sorry I have to say it but the
16:9 widescreen format in high definition looks like crap. To me it looks like
they took the DVD transfer and put it on a blu-ray disc to please high
definition lovers. Such a disappointment.
Same goes with the sound. It doesn’t sound that great. Again just like the
picture the sound feels and sounds like a DVD transfer. Such a horrible port of
this movie on blu-ray.
There are a few extras on this disc. Not a whole lot but there might be a few
that could please some people.
Making Of
Red Carpet Premiere
Award Presentation
Bloopers
Trailers
The Making Of featurette sucks and the Red Carpet treatment is actually
interesting. I never knew a porn movie could get the Red Carpet treatment. So
many adult celebrities made it to the event and average people got to go as
well. Trust me all of them just loved the movie so much but remember they got to
see the XXX version.
Bloopers…shit. This is an R-rated movie that really is an XXX movie. What do you
think you are going to get from the Bloopers? I would have loved seeing some
major fuck ups like wrong hole penetration or ejaculation shots gone wrong.
Oh yeah watch the Award Presentation to see how the director of Pirates doesn’t
want to be seen. If you hate the movies you make or you don’t want your wife or
family to know then make stupid art films. Fucking asshole, show your face you
dick.
Final Verdict
When I saw the first Pirates movie, the R-rated version, it showed a lot of T&A.
At points they almost showed more. Pirates II skipped all of the sex and 80% of
the actual nudity. What you have here is a fucking boring movie that has comedy
from Evan Stone. Not worth a purchase but it makes a hell of a rental.
Rating Breakdown
Movie: 4 out of 10
+ Evan Stone is funny as hell.
- An R-rated porn movie with no real nudity? Fuck that!
Picture: 4 out of 10
+ Goddamn are those special effects neat looking, for an
R-rated porn movie.
- This looks like the DVD port, literally.
Audio: 4 out of 10
+ I’m being generous here?
- DVD quality on a goddamn blu-ray.
Extras: 2 out of 10
+ The Red Carpet featurette is interesting.
- That 3-disc porn edition has all the extras.
Overall
3.75 out of 10
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