|
18 Year Old Virgin [DVD]
Theatrical Release: Never Released
DVD Release: January 20, 2009
Blu-ray Release: TBA
Director: Tamara Olson
Writer: Naomi L. Selfman
Rating: Unrated
Reviewer: Eric
What in the world is a name like 18 Year Old Virgin doing on a movie being
sold to the masses? There are so many problems with this movie and the whole
meaning too. But instead of me telling you how bad it is (the concept of the
movie) I am just going to state all of the other problems. We’ll leave the moral
faults for your parents or health teachers.
I am going to be a straight-up with my description of the films plot. Katie
Powers (Olivia Alaina May) wants to have sex with the man of her dreams, Ryan
Lambert (Dustin Harnish). Ryan doesn’t want to have sex with virgins any more so
Katie wants to hurry up and have sex so she can have sex with Ryan.
For some strange reason it is hard for Katie to have sex. She keeps screwing up.
She feels her breasts are too small (they are not) so she puts raw chickens in
her bra to make her boobs look bigger. That turns out ugly during an orgy she
gets involved in. Katie also manages to screw up shaving her pubic area and
again it does not look that bad but this is part of the movies plot, let’s have
Katie screw up something as simple as shaving the pubic area.
The whole movie just shows Katie screwing up these situation that shouldn’t
cause any problems. Katie Powers might be a semi-nerd in her school but Jesus
Christ why did they have to cast such a hot actress for Katie’s role? Not once
do I believe that her character is a nerd or could never get sex. I could not
wait for her to show anything off and that is the best part of the movie. Seeing
Olivia Alaina May naked from top to bottom. She really has a nice rack.
Along with Olivia Alaina May showing her stuff we get to see a lot more from
other no-named individuals. There are small penises, nice asses, and wonderful
breasts in this movie. The whole penis thing kind of shocked me since guys
usually go all out in having the producer add a little so people don’t laugh.
I’ve done a lot of reading on the Internet, sue me. Oh well at least we have T&A
in this movie. Thank you direct to video knock off of American Pie.
If you are going to watch this movie for the acting then you have better be
drunk. Everyone in this film needs to go back to acting school because they
suck. Again I just waited to see nudity since the actual movie did not offer me
anything. Stupid, stupid, stupid movie.
Along with the pointless movie it would make sense that it was filmed on a
camcorder. Well I’m hoping it was because it looks like shit. Certain shots made
me dizzy and just the overall production screams low budget. I don’t care how
much it cost them to make the movie but it would have been nice if it looked a
little better.
The sound quality gets the job done. There are more than enough times when the
sound seems to dip in volume. Some of these points where the movie has a dip in
the sound it comes back in a whole new way, nice a loud. I guess the team behind
the transfer realized this because they fix the problem after a few seconds. The
damage was done.
The DVD does come packed with a nice arrange of pointless extras that will only
look good on the back of the case and not actually seen on video.
I am not going to waste my time talking about how bad the bloopers are, mainly
since I want to get to the best featurette. They actually did interviews with
the cast and asked them when they lost their virginity. Take the time to watch
this, trust me. Everyone looks and sounds like a real whore. I think the lowest
age one of the cast members had sex was 13 years of age. I’m sorry but I bet (it
was a female) it was done for money, she looks like the type that would have
need some change to get a Snickers bar.
Final Verdict
A movie dealing with a girl who will do anything to loose her virginity? There
is a reason this movie is hard to find in stores. 18 Year Old Virgin has some
hot women in it so maybe paying $15 or less wouldn’t be a bad thing, they are
nice boobs. Still paying money for this movie, I’d feel dirty.
Rating Breakdown
Movie: 6 out of 10
+ I liked six of the set of boobs in this movie.
- Did I really just give this movie a six based on boobs?
Picture: 3 out of 10
+ I see everything from small dicks to nice rounded asses.
- Was this movie filmed with a Rent-A-Center camcorder?
Audio: 3 out of 10
+ You can hear the jokes in all their glory.
- It feels like somebody is messing with the volume…shit a
ghost!!!
Extras: 1 out of 10
+ Cast members loved to have sex before they even knew what
an orgasm was.
- Shit.
Overall
3.25 out of 10
|
